The SECRETS of the KONOHA ninja
by makacatori
Summary: An action adventure romance drama humor rewrite of the Naruto series. Warnings: AU, YAOI and HET, OOC, MPREG, Bloodline limits, mixed lineage, super powerful Rookies and the Author’s Stupidity. HAITUS
1. Growing up with drama and a family name

**The SECRETS of the KONOHA ninja - **makacatori

Romance/Drama/Action/Adventure/mystery/humor

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Naruto

_Warnings_:

Yaoi, cursing, some violence, All Canon character are out of Character, the Author being stupid for the sake of comedy, MPREG (Mainly involving Orochimaru and Kabuto) and there might be a little Sakura bashing a little later.

_Summary_:

An action adventure romance drama humor rewrite of the Naruto series. Warnings: AU, YAOI and HET, OOC, MPREG, Bloodline limits, mixed lineage, super powerful Rookies and the Author's Stupidity.

_Final Pairings: (Seme/Uke or dominate/passive)_

Sasuke/ Naruto

Kiba/Hinata

Kakashi/Sakura

Asuma/Iruka

Orochimaru/Kabuto, Kabuto/Orochimaru (Mpreg!)

Chouji/Ino

Neji/Shikamaru

Shino/Lee

Kankuro/Tenten

_Dating: (Seme/Uke or dominate/passive)_

Shikamaru/Naruto

Sasuke/Neji

Kiba/Sakura

Chouji/Sakura

Asuma/Sakura

Kankuro/Sakura

Kiba/Ino

Chouji/Hinata

_Forced relationships: (Seme/Uke or dominate/passive)_

Possible Orochimaru/Sasuke (Mpreg?) – If Sasuke defects

Sakura/Sasuke – If I feel evil enough to do it

Sakura/Neji?

… Well I'm leaving off here… enjoy the drama

"Blah" –Speaking

_Blah_ – thinking

"**Blah"** – Kyuubi Speaking

**Blah** –Kyuubi thinking

**_Blah – _**Naruto thinking to Kyuubi

'_Blah'_-Perverted thoughts

'**Blah'** –Inner Sakura

**---------------- Blah ------------------ **Scene Change or Time Skip or A different Point of view

------------- (**A/N:** Blah) --------------- An important notice by the author, usually for a citrus or violence

(**A/N:** Blah) – A side note, usually a small joke by the author

**A/N:** There will be a time skip in this chapter

**Growing up with a Drama Demon and a family legacy**

(Chapter One)

A small six-year-old boy with tousled golden hair pulled on a pair of green cargo pants, looking forlornly at a closet of shredded orange jumpsuits, while muttering in his head _Stupid Kyuubi and his fashion sense_. He pulled on white t-shirt with an orange spiral on the front effectively covering his scarred and malnourished body. Naruto went over to the mirror and scowled. **_Kyuubi! _**Naruto called to the demon, the named demon materialized behind him in the mirror, an image only Naruto could see and interact with.

"**Ah orange! The horror, the horror, the horror!"** Kyuubi bemoaned covering his eyes with one paw, while trying to paw off the hideous orange spiral on Naruto's shirt. Naruto jumped out of the way of the mirror.

**_Kyuubi if you do that again I'll break all of my mirrors and refuse to leave the house. And in addition I won't summon you for a month. _**Kyuubi shut up immediately. The one way for Kyuubi to view the world was to have Naruto reflected in a mirror or a pond or even the glass of a window. His image was invisible to every one, but Naruto.

"**Fine, but don't come asking me for fashion tips later. I mean, my god was it hideous!"**

**_Kyuubi you owe me a genjutsu and three chakra control exercises since you destroyed all of my wondrous orange jumpsuits!_** Naruto demanded.

Kyuubi sighed **"Fine, but you're late for your meeting with the old man!"** Naruto cursed and ran out of his apartment, barely taking time to lock his door.

**--------------------------------- The Uchiha Compound ------------------------------**

_I can't, I can't let them know! Father would be angry. He doesn't like me doing or learning stuff that the other Uchiha don't do. I promise ANIKI that I'd never show them 'it'. Besides… it's scary._ Eight-year-old Sasuke whimpered, hiding behind a rock at the edge of the Uchihas' Zen garden. A small stream passed him on its way to the peaceful pool in the garden. _I can't let them know I'm not an Uchiha_… Sasuke raised an unsteady hand over the small stream of water, slowly several ice needles sprang from the water and rotated around his hand before he let out a muffled cry and released their form into water. _I don't know who I am!_ Sasuke squeezed his red fox plushy his father had given him… it was the only toy he had ever received from his father.

**---------------------------------- The Hokage's Tower ---------------------------------**

"Naruto…" The Hokage hesitated at the small six-year-old took a seat. Taking a deep breath, Sandaime sighed, "Naruto I want to tell you about your parents."

"My parents?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

"Yes, Naruto… unfortunately both are dead, but they died as heroes. You father was Kazama Arashi otherwise known as the Yondaime and you mother was Uchiha Ayme, a second cousin to the main house. That would make Sasuke your third cousin. Your father as you know sealed the Kyuubi into your body, but your mother stalled the Kyuubi with her unusual Sharingan until she went into labor. Naruto they both loved you very much and I'm sorry that you never know them."

"I'm an Uchiha." Naruto said tears slipping down his face, as his eyes stared up angrily into the Sandaime's own.

"Yes, I know Naruto. They abandoned you because of the Kyuubi and nothing I could do would change their minds… I'm sorry." The Sandaime said wiping Naruto's tears away with his thumb. Naruto sighed, a very defeated sigh.

"It seems not even my own family can see beyond my curse. Jiji, from this day forward, I will never be known as an Uchiha. Even if I awaken the Sharingan, I will never use it. It would only remind me of the betrayal they have committed. I hate them."

Sarutobi sighed, Naruto was right. Nothing would ever atone for the Uchihas' sins and even he, the Hokage, could never forgive them. He remember with an acute anger the head of the clan even offered to slaughter the 'demon'. No, Naruto should never be named an Uchiha. It was an emblem of pain.

**--------------------------------------------------------**

Outside of the door, Mikoto Uchiha, Sasuke's step Mom paused mid-knock. _The Kyuubi… no Naruto was an Uchiha? What had her husband done? To abandon a defenseless child. A child who had never felt the love of a parent or sibling… a child to grow up so alone. Naruto had ever right to take the Uchiha name… but now it was too late. He had forsaken his very blood and it was her husband's fault._ Mikoto turn around and headed home. A tear trickled down her face and soon she stood in her kitchen sobbing._ Mikoto had taken in the bastard child of her husband's in a time of need, where the very action was condemned. But he had refused to take in another, a child who was in even more need. What monster had she married?_

------------------------------------------------------------

"Naruto as of now you will be living in your father's estate. I have overruled the council and now will give you your entitled property as clan heir. You will receive your father's money, jutsu library, training grounds and ancestral home. Of course it would be unwise to go public—"

"I don't intend to." Naruto said bluntly.

"Very well—"

**--------------------------------- Four Years Later ------------------------------------**

Four years had past and Rookie eight were all twelve, however, unbeknownst to all of their number Naruto had just turned ten. It had been three days since the Kyuubi Festival and Naruto's 'birthday gift', which had taken three days to heal. And because of this, his chakra reserves were practically non-existent. He had failed the Genin exam. Watching Mizuki, Naruto of course figured out his plan and in turn turned it against him. However, Naruto was not expecting, Iruka-sensei to take on Mizuki to protect him. Tears trickled down Naruto's face as he jumped out and knocked Mizuki over and the Shuriken off course.

"Don't touch Iruka-sensei, or I'll KILL you!"

"Damn demon, I can kill you with one move!"

"Bring it on baka!" Quickly Mizuki began to go through hand seal and to both Mizuki's and Iruka's surprise and horror, Naruto began to mimic them. Looking him in the eye they were absolutely astounded to find the blood red Sharingan. Mizuki was so startled that he didn't finish his hand seals and Naruto screamed, "Bloody Wind of Death!"

**Bloody Wind of Death:** This jutsu is an invisible combustion technique it uses air particles in objects and like the steps of the Rasengan it twists these particles into a cyclone and explodes it outwards. It can be used in human lungs, but it is unadvisable because he needs far more chakra than reasonable. It's very hard to master.

Mizuki's body exploded as he let out his last agonizing scream. Naruto deactivated his Sharingan and turned to Iruka-sensei. "Sensei? Are you okay? We should probably go to the hospital!"

"Naruto… you're an Uchiha?" Naruto stiffened visibly.

"I have forsaken that name since they abandoned me because of the Kyuubi."

"How long did you know about the Kyuubi?"

"Since I was four… the damn melodramatic demon and his fashion sense will just not leave me alone." Naruto said cringing. Iruka to both of their surprise chuckled and then burst out laughing.

"Naruto… come here?" Naruto hesitantly obeyed. "Close your eyes." Naruto did as bid and Iruka placed his forehead protector on Naruto. "Naruto you pass." A small smile reached Naruto's lips and Naruto threw himself on Iruka hugging him.

"Thank you Iruka-sensei… I hope you won't tell anyone about my Sharingan." Naruto said pulling away hesitantly.

"If you don't want me too, I won't."

"Thank you Iruka-sensei."

**-------------------------------- 2 Weeks Later ---------------- The Academy -------------------------**

Naruto had spent the past two weeks studying with Kyuubi, mainly on chakra control and genjutsus. Over the years Naruto had proved that he his skills leaned in favor of genjutsus and taijutsu. His ninjutsu was high, but nothing too extraordinary. He could be called a ninjutsu genius, but he did not possess anything above Jonin level. His most beneficial talent was his ability to perform one handed seals and a genjutsu and ninjutsu at once. He was proficient at creating his own ninjutsus and was quite creative, yet deadly. He also spent the majority of the time fighting with Kyuubi over his fashion sense… unfortunately Naruto lost and was forced to wear what Kyuubi called 'cute clothing'. Kyuubi was gay, Naruto was bi and Kyuubi was determined to make Naruto into the perfect Uke.

Naruto took a seat next to the cold hearted bastard. Sasuke looked out the corner of his eye at Naruto, but Naruto missed that. Slowly the class filed in and of course Shikamaru made a point of asking Naruto what he was doing here. Which in turn Naruto slammed on his smiling mask and answered rudely. Then Sakura and Ino came in fighting, the whole fight over the 'empty' seat occurred. However, Naruto did not kiss Sasuke, rather he flew into Sasuke's lap and Sasuke instinctually embraced him and whispered to his own dismay "You're just a like my fox plushy!" Realizing what he had said, Sasuke pushed a very shocked Naruto away and angrily threatened him.

Naruto was still stuck on the fact the mighty Uchiha had a fox plushy as he was beaten to a pulp by raving fan girls. Iruka came into the classroom and found a very smashed up Naruto unconsciously mimicking Sasuke's angst pose. Iruka could barely contain his laughter. He then made a long winded speech about the trails of the Shinobi. Then he proceeded to call teams. "Alright class, I must explain something before I call the teams. This year per the Hokage's request the team are split into groups of two and two students have been requested to b e apprenticed," Sasuke brightened at this, "However, these apprentices will only work with them part time, so there will be two groups of three for missions. Also one older student will be placed with the rookie of the year." The girls muttered angry cries that Sasuke would be pared with someone older rather than with them. Sasuke glared at Iruka, angry that he was not one of those apprenticed.

"Team One… Team Six; Haruno Sakura, Inuzuka Kiba," Sakura cried out in dismay, "under the guidance of Yuhi Kurenai, the genjutsu mistress, Team Seven; Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuga Neji, previous rookie of the year, under the guidance of Copy Cat Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi," Sasuke brightened happy both that he would have a strong rival and Kakashi, a man who had the Sharingan, though he was not an Uchiha, "Team Eight; Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji under the guidance of Sarutobi Asuma. Team nine; Hyuga Hinata, Aburame Shino under the guidance of Mitarashi Anko. Team 10… and finally the apprentices are Yamanaka Ino under Morino Ibiki head of the Konoha interrogation squad," Ino paled having interacted with Ibiki before. "And Uzumaki Naruto with the ANBU codename Yamato. If the team passes Ino will be working part time with Asuma, Shikamaru and Chouji, if the Asuma's team does not pass the Ino will be placed Anko, Hinata and Shino. Naruto would be placed with Kakashi, Sasuke and Neji. If they do not pass Naruto will be placed in Maito Gai, Rock Lee and Tenten's team. Alright, Lunch break!" Iruka called out and everyone left, talking about the scandal of Naruto being an apprentice.

"Don't hold me back dobe!" Sasuke called after Naruto as he left the classroom, Naruto flicked him the finger and left.

**------------------------------------ Sasuke's POV ------------------------------------------**

I can't believe I'm not apprenticed, but that moron of morons is. Sigh, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto… you know he was even better than my plushy, he was warm and cuddly and cute— what the fuck am I thinking? Naruto is not warm and cuddly and cute. He's obnoxious and loud and stupid. But, that pout… _'Ah, you know you wanted to kiss his luscious lips and hold him. He fit in your arms, just right. You know you want to mark him as your own.' _A hickey would look nice on him. _'I'm not talking about hickeys… I know what you want you want to claim his virginity.'_ I guess you right—wait who are you? This is mind control! I do not want anything to do with Naruto and his pouty lips… No don't think of that, Itachi, Itachi, Itachi, blood, evil Itachi, Sakura naked—oh that's a little too scary! Shudder! _'Yeah right and when Gai stops wearing green spandex, I'll believe you. You want him, little Sasuke-kun!'_ Not listening, not listening, not listening! Blah, blah, blah! Old McDonald had a farm— _'Sayonara Sasuke-kun. Just enjoy your denial… but remember some day it might be too late to claim him.'_

"Phew! Finally the mind control jutsu is gone."

**--------------------------------- The Hokage's Tower -------------------------------------**

Kakashi slapped his forehead, when he heard Sasuke tell Naruto that he was like his fox plushy. The other Jonins laughed and Yamato snickered. "Hokage-sama… is Sasuke sane?" Kakashi asked in a joking manner.

The Hokage sighed, "Barely. The death of his family and Itachi's betrayal traumatized his already unstable mind and he won't speak to anyone. That's why Naruto is on his team. If you can get Naruto to open up, it would be for the better of both he and Sasuke."

"What do you mean open up?" Kurenai asked.

"Then why have Yamato take him as an apprentice?" Kakashi asked.

"To answer your question Kurenai, Naruto hides many things. It was by sheer luck that I've managed to amount a small profile on him. I can't tell you about his lineage because that is an S-class secret. However it plays a large role in all of his choices. Another thing is he's been in contact and learning from the Kyuubi no Yoko since he was four—"

"WHAT?" Everyone screamed.

"He could be dangerous…" Everyone spoke at once.

"No he's not. I've spoken with the Kyuubi myself and while he remained illusive about why he attacked Konoha. He assured me that he had no intentions to turning Naruto against us."

"How can you be sure?" Kakashi asked sternly.

"A Kitsune, while a master of cunning and trickery can not lie. However, that does not mean Kyuubi likes humans, on contraire the only human he finds reasonable enough are those who interact kindly with his 'kit'. Besides, Kyuubi admits that surprisingly Naruto's power due to his mother's unique version of her bloodline limit is stronger than him. And as the demonic chakra mixes with Naruto's chakra Naruto's bloodline limit with grow more and more powerful. Now you asked what Naruto hides… well he's incredible intelligent nearly on par with Shikamaru, he tends to hides his amazing ability with genjutsu and chakra control. He's an amazing taijutsu user. His ninjutsu is lacking, not so much in capabilities, but in techniques. He refuses to use his bloodline limit because of past experiences with his blood relations who refused to raise him and often requested that he be executed," A look of horror crossed Kurenai's, Gai's and Asuma's faces, "I don't know if he hides anything else and I do not know why he hides… but if he wants to succeed as a ninja he must open up."

"Why isn't Naruto on my team full time?" Kakashi prompted.

"Yamato will be helping Naruto and Kyuubi to blend their chakra. Kyuubi's conscious will be obliterated, but he is resigned to that fact. Also Kakashi, I should warn you against allowing Sasuke to gain any sort of animosity towards Naruto. It is crucial that Naruto should play a key role in Sasuke's protection from himself and from unknown forces. As Sasuke will be protecting Naruto from the Akatsuki and specifically from Itachi. So basically do not pit them on each other. If Sasuke needs a rival both he and Neji would benefit. Understood Kakashi?"

"Yes, sir." Kakashi said resolutely.

**-------------------------------- The Academy ------------- 1:00pm ---------------------------------**

Sasuke sat quietly in his chair watching a very animated Naruto speaking or rather hollering at Kiba. Sakura and Ino were currently fighting over the seat next to him in a last attempt to gain his affections before they were split from him. Sasuke would cry happy tears that the Banshee and the Harpy would be gone from his life and he would hope it would be long, but Uchihas don't cry, they don't even sniffle. Suddenly the door was thrown open and an attractive older boy walked in. He scanned the room and came to rest on Sasuke's face. Sneering, he walked over to Sasuke, shoved Ino and Sakura from the seat and took their place. Sasuke turned to face the boy and lifted a delicate eyebrow "Hyuga Neji?"

Neji nodded, "Uchiha Sasuke?" Sasuke nodded curtly. "Which one is our possible partner?" Neji asked looking around the room in disgust. He glared at the few females that had suddenly developed a case of the fatal pretty-boy-obsession disease. They promptly fainted declaring their love. Lifting a finger Sasuke pointed to the rambunctious blond boy.

"Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto." Was all Sasuke said.

"He looks like a waste of air." Neji snorted. Sensitive ears picked up their conversation and in the middle of yelling, Naruto abruptly stopped and glared at Neji. A menacing smile made its way to Naruto's face. He mouthed 'Yeah and you're a waste of space' and then he turned back to Kiba and began to yell again. Neji looked startled. And Sasuke blinked. Neji turned to Sasuke and asked "Does he do that often?"

"There has always been something rather off about Naruto, but not as if he were crazy… but as if he were hiding his sanity. It's complicated." Sasuke said returning to his angst pose.

"I bet it is." Neji whispered sarcastically more to himself than anyone else.

**-------------------------------- The Academy --------- 2:30 pm ------------------------------------------------**

Neji and Sasuke glared at the door to the classroom their Sensei, Hatake Kakashi, had yet to appear. Everyone had already left with their sensei and Naruto had been called away and returned over an hour ago. Currently Naruto was fast asleep in the far corner seat, snoring softly and whimpering. Sasuke and Neji, much to their dislike found Naruto's sleepy antics highly amusing and endearing. So in attempt to hide from those suffocating 'girly' feelings took to glaring at the door and angsting.

**----------------------------------- Training Ground 15 -------- Kurenai, Sakura and Kiba -------------**

"Alright, since I don't know you and you don't know me, we will be answering a series of questions. Okay, what are your hobbies, dreams, likes and dislikes."

"Ne, Kurenai-sensei, why don't you tell us what yours are first so we know what to say?" Sakura asked.

"Well, I like my son and husband, I like genjutsu, training and studying. I dislike snobs, girls who are more focused on boys than being ninjas," Sakura gulped, "I hate selfish people and people who hold prejudices and refuse to reevaluate things. People who act before thinking," Kiba gulped, "And I dislike parrots. My hobbies are writing poetry, teaching the piano to others and reading. My goals are to live a long and happy life protecting my village, my beliefs, home and family. Alright Kiba, your turn."

"I like Akamaru, Hinata and helping Naruto with his pranks. I hate Sasuke," Sakura barely restraint herself from choking Kiba, "When baka Naruto ignores me or disappears. When Hinata is sad. Cats and fleas. People who ignore me and when Naruto thinks he's better than everyone. I dislike this new boy… Neji! He's a jack ass!" Kurenai frowned at Kiba's swearing, "My hobbies are training, grooming Akamaru, swimming and running laps. My dream is to be the best ninja in the world and beat my sister to be clan heir." Kiba said jabbing his fist into the air.

"Okay, now you Sakura."

"My likes are … Sasuke. My hobbies are..." Sakura muttered the rest, "My dreams are to marry Sasuke and have many, many, many kids. I hate Naruto, Sasuke-haters and Ino-pig!" Sakura hollered.** 'Dam straight!' **Inner Sakura screamed.

Kurenai frowned, but continued "Alright, now we have a test to see if you can become Genin."

"What? Didn't we already pass the test?" Sakura asked angrily** 'you fucking bitch, no way are you failing me! I must be a Genin for my Sasuke-kun!'**

"No, that was a test to see if you had any chance of ever being a ninja. This test is…"

**--------------------------- Training Grounds 17 -------- Hinata, Shino and Anko ----------------**

"Alright, you've got twenty minutes! Go!" Anko shouted. Hinata and Shino jumped into the brush and made their soundlessly towards each other.

When they reached each other Shino began "This isn't a test of skill this is a test of—"

"Team work!" Hinata finished both smiled and began to work out a plan.

**--------------------- Training Ground 20 --------- Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino and Asuma -----------**

Shikamaru had captured Asuma with his Shadow imitation jutsu, as Chouji removed Asuma's weapons and bells and Ino stood guard, ready to take over for Shikamaru if he needed it. After Chouji successful removed the weapons and bells they freed Asuma, who chuckled and said "You pass! You are all now officially Genin." Ino and Chouji cheered, while Shikamaru muttered his trademark slogan 'So troublesome.'

**------------------------------ The Academy ----------- 5:00pm ----------------------------------------**

"**You know kit, you could take this time to just jump those boys. They both think you're cute… how about a threesome? Oh I know, how about we go get greenie?" **

**_First off, Kyuubi those boys are ice pricks, they're not even remotely interested in anything with the 'L' word—_**

"**What loser?"**

**_No asshole Love! They are both lost in their fucking theatrics that they barely realize that other humans exist. Even if they thought I was cute there would be no way in hell I would ever let them fuck me. And finally how many times have I told you greenie's real name is Gai and he's… Ugh! I bet he's a hairy ape man._**

"**Oh, but I like fur."**

_**Kyuubi you've officially made my bad taste list, along with Sakura and Ino. **_

Sasuke and Neji watched in amusement as a sleepy Naruto fell off his desk as the classroom door was thrown open and their sensei… well Naruto's second Sensei walked in. "You're late." Naruto moaned from the floor, "I could've been in bed." Kakashi lifted an eyebrow at the clock, but Naruto ignored it.

"Sorry about that. Well you see I saw this flying turtle across the street and remembered I forgot my pretty pink camisole. Then after I left home again, I saw a black cat on my doorstep, so I went to the back door where I keep my pony, but the pony was sitting in front of the door and would move, so I climbed out my bathroom window, only to get stuck. After my neighbor lent me some soap to get unstuck, I was walking here when a man in a green leotard chased me around demanding that I compete with him over a bowl of Sushi. When I told him that there was no such thing as a bowl of sushi, but a plate of sushi, Niagara Falls suddenly poured out of him and I had to flee the incoming waters. And yeah… here I am."

Two visible twitches and howls of laughter was the reply. Kakashi had expected irritation, but definitely not laughter from the impatient boy in his Rookie year, but Kakashi soon understood why he reacted the way he did when Naruto managed to choke out "Gai.. G-Gai!"

"You know Gai?" Neji asked surprised.

"Yes, no. I know him, but he doesn't know me!"

"Who's Gai?" Sasuke asked irritated.

"Maito Gai is a emotionally unstable taijutsu expert, he has declared Copy-cat Kakashi his rival. And he was my former teacher." Neji answered.

"Oh." Sasuke said before returning to his stoic pretense.

"Alright, everyone to the roof!" Kakashi said and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

**_Jonins are so lazy! Always with the teleportation jutsu! God they got to get more exercise…_**

"**You have a point their kit! I wonder what your sensei would do if we botched his teleportation jutsu every time he was near us?"**

_**Now that's something to think about!** _

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**TBC**

Alright here is chapter One… hope U enjoyed it. I also wanted to tell you that this piece is purely for my own amusement, so if you think its stupid I don't give a crap. I'm writing this absolutely wacky and bizarre piece for my own enjoyment. If you like it, I'm happy you enjoyed it.

**Okay here's some voting and choices**… and I know everyone wants voting.

**1. Does Sasuke Defect? (**Warning if he does I might change the Sasuke/Naruto pairing and make Sasuke Orochimaru's pregnant man whore, but that depends on how the story develops)

**2. Is there any other couple besides Orochimaru/Kabuto or Kabuto/Orochimaru you want with male pregnancy?**

**3. Should I add more humor or use less?**

Also I might as for reviewers, after the voting, help to help me decide how to end it…

In addition to this: I have several pages of new updates for SECRET, FEAR, IGNORANCE…However, I'm having difficulty finishing chapters without prereaders. If U r interested in being a prereader, please send me a Private Message and I'll hook you up with my e-mail.

-TK


	2. The Teams' Dramatics and Relations

**The SECRETS of the KONOHA ninja - **makacatori

Romance/Drama/Action/Adventure/mystery/humor

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Naruto

_Warnings_:

Yaoi, cursing, some violence, All Canon character are out of Character, the Author being stupid for the sake of comedy, MPREG (Mainly involving Orochimaru and Kabuto) and there might be a little Sakura bashing a little later.

_Summary_:

An action adventure romance drama humor rewrite of the Naruto series. Warnings: AU, YAOI and HET, OOC, MPREG, Bloodline limits, mixed lineage, super powerful Rookies and the Author's Stupidity.

"Blah" –Speaking

_Blah_ – thinking

"**Blah"** – Kyuubi Speaking

**Blah** –Kyuubi thinking

**_Blah – _**Naruto thinking to Kyuubi

'_Blah'_-Perverted thoughts

'**Blah'** –Inner Sakura

**---------------- Blah ------------------ **Scene Change or Time Skip or A different Point of view

------------- (**A/N:** Blah) --------------- An important notice by the author, usually for a citrus or violence

(**A/N:** Blah) – A side note, usually a small joke by the author

**Previously:**

"_Who's Gai?" Sasuke asked irritated._

"_Maito Gai is a emotionally unstable taijutsu expert, he has declared Copy-cat Kakashi his rival. And he was my former teacher." Neji answered._

"_Oh." Sasuke said before returning to his stoic pretense._

"_Alright, everyone to the roof!" Kakashi said and disappeared in a puff of smoke._

_Jonins are so lazy! Always with the teleportation jutsu! God they got to get more exercise…_

"_You have a point their kit! I wonder what your sensei would do if we botched his teleportation jutsu every time he was near us?"_

_Now that's something to think about! _

**The Teams' Dramatics and Relations**

(Chapter Two)

Neji, Naruto and Sasuke quickly took their seats; Sasuke sat in the middle. Kakashi studied each of them carefully. The so-called loudmouth idiot studied him back. Naruto was unusually silent, which startled Sasuke. "Alright, I want you tell me your likes, dislikes, hobbies and your dreams for the future. My name is Hatake Kakashi. I'm the kind of person who doesn't feel like talking about his likes and dislikes. My dreams for the future are none of your business… but anyway, I have lots of hobbies. You start Mr. Broody." Neji and Sasuke glanced at each other and couldn't decide which he referred to. Kakashi sighed "Sasuke tell me your likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams."

Sasuke growled, but answered "There are plenty of things I hate, but I don't see that it matters considering there is almost nothing I do like. It seems pointless to talk about 'dreams' that's just a word... but what I do have is a determination, I plan to restore my clan and there's someone I have sworn to kill."

"And that's all you can expect of an Uchiha." Naruto muttered venomously, this was only caught by Kakashi. _So Naruto didn't like Uchihas? Why?_ Kakashi wondered.

"Alright Mr. Broody number two." Kakashi said gesturing to Neji.

Neji sighed, "My likes are training. My dislikes are the Hyuga main branch family. My hobbies are training and my dreams are making those who have wronged me and my father pay."

Without being prompted Naruto began "My likes are instant cup ramen, when Iruka-sensei treats me to ramen at Ichiraku noodle bar. I hate the three minute wait after I pour in the boiling water. My dream is to one day be a better shinobi that the Hokage. And then the villagers will have to acknowledge my existence at last! My hobbies are pranks and practically jokes I guess…" Suddenly Naruto lost concentration and his three teammates were left to question why.

Kakashi lifted an eyebrow and said "Alright, of the twenty-seven members of your graduating class, only ten will actually be accepted as Genin, the other seventeen must go back to the academy for more training. The test we are about to perform has a rate of 67 percent failure." He said ominously. Sasuke and Neji frowned and Naruto just lifted an eyebrow as if saying, 'is that all?' "Alright so meet me at training field 41.

Kakashi quickly disappeared in a puff of smoke. "**Weren't you going to prevent him from teleporting?"**

_**In due time Kyuubi. I was thinking a good time would be after the test… I have a premonition that he won't be getting away without a few scrapes.**_

**What an evil child, I've raised. **Kyuubi congratulated himself.

**---------------------------------------- Training Ground 41----- 15 minutes later -----------------------------------**

Kakashi was actually quite surprised when Sasuke, Neji and Naruto arrive there in only fifteen minutes with Neji and Sasuke sweating only slightly and Naruto not even breathless. "How are you not tired?" Demanded Neji of Naruto.

"Don't they always say the smaller ones are even faster… anyways I run a lot. Don't you guys?" Naruto said oh, so innocently.

"Hn."

"No not really." Neji said, "I mainly focus on reflexes and short distance speed to go with my family's taijutsu—"

"The gentle fist." Naruto finished for him.

"Yeah." Neji said lamely realizing Naruto probably didn't need a long winded speech on what was necessary for the Gentle Fist.

Kakashi cleared his throat, "I have one small bell," Kakashi said indicating the bells tied to his weapon's pouch. "Your challenge is to steal these from me before sunset, which is in about two hours. There is only one bell so only one of you will pass. The two other people will be sent back to the academy. You can use ninjutsu, genjutsu, taijutsu and weapons. Come with me with the intent to kill. You may start…" Kakashi glanced up into the sky and said 'Now." They were very suddenly gone._ Hmmm, good stealth… that's strange I only sense two of them. Sasuke and Neji? _

Suddenly there was a tap on Neji's shoulder, Neji spun around almost hitting Naruto's chakra node, but quicker than Neji's eyes could follow he leapt backwards. "Neji do you know what the real meaning of this test is about?"

"Real meaning?" Neji asked with confusion.

"Only ten people will pass, why only ten? Why not eleven or thirteen? And why only two bells? Isn't this a test of skill or is it something more?"

"More?" Neji said confused, his brow furrowed as he thought.

"Neji, go talk to Sasuke before he attacks. He's by that bush," Naruto said pointing to a bush on the opposite side of them. Two heads could probably figure it out faster. I know Sasuke and Sasuke will not listen to me. He thinks I'm an idiot and he lets his rage control him. I'm going to distract Kakashi so Sasuke doesn't have an opportunity right now." Neji nodded and began to move away as Naruto quickly called, "Hurry, Sasuke is getting ready for battle!" Neji took off at a run.

Kakashi took a step towards the bush he felt Sasuke's chakra flare up behind, pulling out his little orange book. However as he raised the book to his face, everything began to blur as his depth perception went chaotic he took a staggering step forward and nearly fell. _Very good Naruto, genjutsu But not good enough. _Kakashi said dispelling the technique. He saw two Bushins heading his way and sighed,_ Are you one trick pony Naruto focusing on only genjutsu._

Oh how he was wrong. Kakashi softly tapped the Bushin knowing the amount of pressure to put on it before it disappeared. Unfortunately his hand came into contact with two solid clones; one of which managed to hit a pressure point in his left forearm rendering his left hand useless. Kakashi quickly blocked and made the four other clones disappear with taijutsu. Uncovering his Sharingan eye he suddenly found himself surrounded by at the very least thirty Kage Bushins all of which were hidden under an invisibility genjutsu, which only became visible with the Sharingan. Knocking one down two more sprung up._ What is this? This is not the Kage Bushing, ever time I take one down two springs up! And a) I don't see the real Naruto b) I can't use ninjutsu now. _

Meanwhile… Sasuke and Neji came to the same conclusion 'TEAMWORK!' Though this was after, much arguing. Abruptly Naruto appeared, "Hey guys come up with a plan yet?"

"Well, you certainly didn't help us so—"

"Actually Sasuke, Naruto was the one, who told me to analyze it. We were just thinking about telling Kakashi-sensei it was teamwork—"

"That's not going to work. That only emphasizes our brain power, not our teamwork. So I suggest we come up with a plan and fast." Naruto said hurriedly.

"Naruto do you know which types of ninjutsus Kakashi-sensei does?" Sasuke asked curiously.

"That's irrelevant right now."

"No it's not!" Growled Neji and Sasuke.

"Actually it is considering that he just underestimated me and I was able to render his left hand useless."

"Right and I betrayed Konoha." Sasuke said.

"Don't believe me?" Naruto said smirking and gestured for them to stand up and peer over the bush at Kakashi. And so they did only to find their sensei throwing punches around in the air like a mad man, protecting his left hand from further harm. Sasuke particularly notes that his Sharingan was uncovered. This confused him, since the Sharingan can see through illusions. Naruto saw the look on confusion on Sasuke's face. Raising one hand to Neji's face and one to Sasuke's face, Naruto said "Kai!" Suddenly Sasuke's and Neji's eyes widened as they saw at least two hundred, solid Naruto clones decking it out with Kakashi.

"What jutsu is that?" Sasuke demanded.

"Well it's my version of the Kage bushin no jutsu—"

"An S-ranked Jonin level jutsu in which the caster multiplies oneself into solid doppelgangers, further advanced ones have their own chakra systems, which is an ANBU level technique. Naruto this number is unheard of and seven or eight takes a Jonin level chakra capacity. And you have more than two hundred… and they keep multiplying." Neji said, "How many can you make?"

"Well I have a medical condition that gives me an unusually large chakra reserve, the most I've done was about… one, two thousand.. I don't know my limit."

"What medical condition?" Sasuke hissed.

"It doesn't have a name, my case is unique, but if I don't dispel vast quantities of my chakra it becomes volatile and could potential kill me and those around me. To further explain, I am apprenticed in order to find a solution to this problem. If Neji were to look at my Chakra system right now he would see two very distinct chakras one red and one blue that are slowly merging naturally. Yamato-sensei will be merging them at an unnatural speed so my presence will not be harmful to others. Until they are fully merged I am unable to perform more basic techniques. I have great chakra control, but it's better to dispel more and faster with larger techniques. I'll happily share my techniques with you, if you two manage to pull up your chakra reserves. I'm sure you could both do one Kage Bushin now, but I want you to be able to produce at least twenty. Either of you up for it? I also have other techniques that no Jonin or rather ANBU turned Jonin can teach you."

After a short debate with his pride Sasuke nodded. Shortly afterwards Neji nodded as well, but said "I need you to focus on elemental jutsus more however. Will that be a problem?"

Naruto smile and said "Nope, I don't have a problem, but I must tell you that best areas I can teach you is genjutsu and taijutsu until you create higher chakra reserves. Is that okay?" Both nodded once more.

Sasuke refocused and said "Okay, I've got a plan."

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**TBC**

I'm posting this now, but I may take it down later for a more detailed edit. Sorry this is so short, but I found this would be a good cliff hanger. Also I'm on an updating role, so don't be surprised if you see more update of this tonight. And keep your fingers crossed for more updates to my other stories….

Well see ya!

-TK


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